Menu- orange, trail mix, almond butter balls, roasted veggies
“She got a role in a series from this.”
The words stung. I was sitting with a director of a student film as we copied the footage she had of my performance. She told me that her audience raved about my performance in particular. She said although my role was small, they could not take their eyes off me. I had nailed it. I was flattered.
Then she told me the lead actress had just been cast in a series from her performance in the film. “Wow,” I replied. “She was really good. She did an excellent job.” My heart froze for a moment.
I forced myself to be happy for this very talented young woman. I fought the strong urge to be bitter towards God. On the way to meet this director, I had just heard God say, “You’re so close. You’re so close.”
Was he just talking about the meeting place to get my footage?
To add salt to the wound, due to technical problems, I could not retrieve the footage that I had just drove 30 minutes to get in the first place! So, in my flesh, I wanted to scream, “You made me drive all this way just to hear about someone else being blessed with exactly what I’ve been begging you for??!!”
God heard my thoughts and answered, “Yes.”
My focus for last year’s Daniel Fast was my acting career. I wanted my career to go ‘further faster’ by ‘divine acceleration’ in 2018. I had heard that message by Joel Osteen the year before. A year had past and I was still waiting. Though I saw some spiritual progress in my entertainment connections, nothing had come in the form of actual roles except this student film. Somehow, I was not discouraged.
As this Daniel Fast ends, I am still not discouraged. Somehow, I have more hope and more expectation. I realize my focus, last year, was a bit vain. I was impatient and frustrated. I tried to hide it with spiritual intentions but in the end, it was just vanity. Today, I understand the wait. I am clear on how to wait.
“I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.”Psalm 130:5 KJV
Every part of me must wait including my mind and body. I cannot dwell on how someone else has received their blessing. I must dwell on God’s word to me. God made promises to me about my acting career. His promises are guarantees.
“For all the promises of God are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.”2 Corinthians 1:20 KJV
There’s that phrase again. Yes, he will fulfill his promise to me but it will be for his glory.
And isn’t his glory, what I’m seeking first?