My car shuts off when the speed goes over 45 miles per hour. I discovered this on a California freeway while driving to a beautiful cottage town for a much needed break and some undisturbed conversations with God. The destination changed quickly as I turned on the flashers and slowly pulled the car to the shoulder, praying the semi truck in the rear view slowed down in time.
Asking God Questions
God didn’t meet me in that quaint little cottage town. Instead, he met me at the Pep Boys, only 21 miles from my apartment. A few weeks later, he met me at the Nissan service counter. I didn’t want to hear from him for days. A thick darkness of frustration and self pity overtook my existence. My mind filled with memories of when God didn’t do what I begged of him. The same old questions plagued my daily thoughts. How long will I have to live like this? Will I struggle for the rest of my life? Did I really hear you or am I really crazy? The answers led my soul to a labyrinth I couldn’t see my way out of. But one verse would softly repeat in my head.
You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on you– in both inclination and character.]
Isaiah 26:3 AMP
It was a gentle whisper that I initially ignored. How am I supposed to do this? But my question was answered with the same refrain. My frustration grew until finally I surrendered. I looked up scriptures to tell me about God’s character and tendencies. The scriptures were all familiar to me. Selective memory had me focused on what was happening around me instead of what I knew to be true inside me. I’ve been doing this for decades. I’ve allowed my circumstances to write a false narrative about God. They drew an imperfect picture of a perfect God in my head. That picture has been a reference in troubling times to validate my pain.
Seeing God’s Light
With this revelation, I can now begin a transformation. I have to erase the imperfect picture from my mind. Daily reading what God says about himself, will be crucial to this new painting. Allowing the sun rays to grace my skin, will be a reminder of God’s constant love. It will remind me on days the darkness surrounds me, God’s light is still there, just waiting for me to open the blinds.