Inspired by Genesis 42:8-25
True hatred usually stems from love betrayed. I learned this from my brother.
I know only a few people in my life who believe I can do anything. My brother, ‘Cole’ is one of them. I often used to say, “I could tell my brother I was going to jump over the moon and his response would be, ‘Well, if anyone can do it, Sis, you can.’ ” His blind faith in my abilities was one of the ways I knew he loved me.
What happens in this house
My brother struggles with loving people. There are many factors that affect his tendency to hold back or lash out in relationships. I listened to brokenhearted women talk about his behavior for decades. A few family members have been on the wrong side of his bad decisions. No one had it worse than my Granddaddy.
I watched my grandfather continuously forgive my brother for his constant disrespect. Granddaddy loved Cole. His love fueled his belief in Cole’s potential… Now, all of that potential would sit in a prison cell. Today, my grandfather mourned a young man he would never see.
excerpt from Liberated From The Hill
Growing up, I never had to forgive my brother for anything. I held no resentment towards him for being in prison while I had to take care of our mother and grandfather alone. Upon his release, I rushed home from college to see him and take him shopping. He wasn’t there for my mother in a way that I wanted, but we still held each other as they lowered her casket into the ground. I understood his distance from her and his treatment of women though I didn’t excuse it. There was never any distance between us, until a few years ago.
The drama begins.
The family issues after a loved one’s death is typical. But, our story would be different. I spoke with my brother repeatedly about business and things seemed settled. However, my stepfather warned me that words mean nothing until the papers are signed. He was right. Eventually, my phone calls went unanswered. There was no response to text messages or emails. Years passed and the papers to settle my mother’s estate still sat on an attorney’s desk. I became another disregarded person in my brother’s life.
Then my brother did something I felt was unspeakable. I received a frantic phone call from my aunt about items removed from my mother’s home while my stepfather sat helpless in a wheelchair. As I listened to the details, a very new emotion overwhelmed my soul. It was fury. I called my brother immediately but was sent to voicemail. Furious words poured out in an unrestrained message. In a matter of minutes, my relationship with ‘Cole’ became a stereotypical story of family drama.
Forgive my brother for peace.
The next year, my stepfather died. I dreaded seeing ‘Cole’ upon returning home for the funeral. The sight of him made my blood boil. He gave me a familiar smile I saw when he tried to convince ex-girlfriends to take him back. It infuriated me even more. The fury led my mind to detailed plans of revenge. For years, I wrote episodes in my head worthy of a primetime tv show. They replayed over and over. I wanted my brother to feel so much pain and loneliness that he would beg me for forgiveness. That’s when the Holy Spirit checked me.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath…”It is mine to avenge. I will repay,” says the LORD
Romans 12:19
Suddenly, I realized my desire to be God in this situation. I turned the consequences of my brother’s actions into my job; a job to which I was never assigned. Who was I to make my brother pay for what he did? I spent emotional and psychological energy on trying to do something I would never be able to do. The vain, mental efforts were taking my peace. Actually there weren’t being taken. I gave them away with every mention of my brother’s name. Something had to change.
So, I talked to God. I asked God for forgiveness for trying to be him. Then, I called my brother.
That’s when he answered.
‘Cole’ listened to me calmly tell him about my disappointment in him. I forgave him which simply means I let go of my emotional attachment to his actions. This also means I let go of how he received my forgiveness. Today, our relationship is not nearly what it was before my mother’s death, but it’s better. I pray for him nightly. His salvation is the top of my list. The same blind faith my brother has in me is the same faith I have in God, that my brother will become the man he was created to be.