On Thursday, God asked for some time. I figured since I had no job lined up and no transportation to go anywhere, why not? So, I decided to spend the whole day with him. I needed some answers. This was my chance to really hear what he had to say about this situation.
“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” I said.
“Yes, I do,” God replied. “But not about this.”
I started by fasting. Denying the flesh helps to clear the lines for conversation with the Father. And, I wanted to hear him clearly. I still didn’t have the car. My email inbox was beginning to fill with rejection notices from applications I had submitted. Obviously, the ultimatum, I gave God, was pointless. Now, what?
I also unplugged. I turned off my phone and did not interact on social media. The only person I wanted to hear from was the Lord that I love. I was ready, or at least I thought I was.
That day turned into my own, personal, one-on-one conference with the Almighty God. Though it began with all of my grievances, it became a day of unfathomable revelation.
I started by reading a chapter in a book by Max Lucado, that I checked out of the library titled “Unshakable Hope: Building Our Lives on the Promises of God.” This began an amazing day of discovery as God began to reveal new aspects of himself. Then, I reviewed old notes from past studies and devotion times. I read verses and insights that God had given me on topics like His faithfulness and waiting. I began to realize that he had already equipped me to handle this situation. This led to a new study on the temptation of Christ. Suddenly, I was having unfathomable revelations about an often quoted and sometimes misunderstood experience in Jesus’ life.
The new revelations allowed God to speak to me about something he has tried to get me to do for the last several years. Trust him. He explained what the word trust really means. He showed me how my fear based decisions proved my mistrust and ultimately derailed plans he had for my life. (One example he used was a moment while I sat in the finance office when I purchased the car. That was one example of several.) I was shaken most by how much it hurt him when I did not trust him. Trust is basically a firm belief that someone is who they say they are. Anytime I did not trust God, I was questioning his character. Asking God about certain things is fine and sometimes invited. Questioning his character often results in his anger. This was evident in the scripture Jesus referred to in his rebuke of Satan during the temptation. (A great explanation of the story from which the verse originates can be found here.)
Finally, God put a new mandate on my life that made losing the car almost trivial. This mandate would seem like an impossible feat, had he not given me new insight on the temptation. Sorry. He has not released me to say what the mandate is but he showed how the vision coincides with the new calling.
That afternoon, I walked to the park. I sat down, took my shoes off and placed my bare feet in the soft grass. I watched children swing and slide carefree. I meditated on the new insights and new mandate. When I got back, God spoke to me about the meantime period. He talked to me about what to do while I wait. I watched the full Priscilla Shirer sermon from the excerpt I had seen on Friday. It focused on obedience during the waiting period.
Then, the Spirit of God rested on me. I spent time in worship. I felt his presence radiating from every corner, off of every object. His glory was here. After such an amazing encounter with Him, I could not end with shallow thanks or a mundane prayer. I decided to do a homemade communion. I warmed some Naan. I took out a few grapes I had in the fridge. (I didn’t have any wine.) I poured a glass of water. As I ate the bread, I thanked Jesus for taking the beating on his body so that I could experience the encounter I just had on this day. As I ate the grapes, I thanked him for the blood he shed that allowed me to be in the presence of the Father as a cleansed, faultless soul.
The parking space is still empty. But, now I am filled.